All's Fair in Love and War
by Brittany Bright
Summary: OneShot. IchigoxRukia. Stankball: the game of love. Only Ichigo and Rukia can turn a ball of smelly socks and underwear into something so much more… pungent, that is.


**Well, _another_ Bleach one-shot to clog up ffnet… score! The pairing is Ichigo x Rukia. 'Cause they're the best.**

**Disclaimer: Seriously, if I owned Bleach, the whole thing would go down the crapper. Ichigo and Hitsugaya and Ukitake and all them other fine fellows would be far too busy massaging my feet, doing my poli sci homework, and looking too sexy for their bad selves to appear in animanga format. But that's just me. And the song isn't mine either. That piece of brilliance belongs to The Cure. Rock on, The Cure, ROCK ON.**

**Please enjoy.**

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ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR: Stankball is a Bitch

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_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am home again_

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am whole again_

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am young again_

_Whenever I'm alone with you_

_You make me feel like I am fun again_

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"Ichigo."

_If you ignore her, she'll go away. If you ignore her, she'll go away. If you ignore…_

"Ichigo!"

_Ignore her. Ignore her. Ignore her. Ignore…_

"ICHIGO!" A foot slammed into the side of his head, making him tumble off his chair and land hard on the floor. So much for the "ignore Rukia" theory.

"What!" he snapped, rolling onto his back. Rukia stood over him menacingly, a foot planted on each side of his stomach, giving Ichigo a nice view up her skirt. He needed to rectify this situation, _quick_.

"What do you want!" He scrambled back to his feet, using his superior height to peer down at her angrily. Yes, as long as he's angry at her, he won't… _stop that_.

"Don't ignore me," she threatened, glaring daggers at him. Ichigo was positive that if glares could kill a person, he would have already died a thousand painful deaths by Rukia's eyes alone.

He made a frustrated noise. "I wouldn't try to if you weren't _always_ bugging me!"

"I'm not bugging you! I just wanted to ask a question!" Her fists were balled at her sides, her eyes narrowed and ominous as she glowered up at him.

Ichigo smirked, once again glad for his height advantage, especially if it meant he could look down on her. There was no doubt it bothered her to have to crane her neck when she looked at him. Particularly when she wanted nothing more than punch that smirk right off his face.

"Well, what is it?" he asked forcefully, crossing his arms, but still staying on guard in case she did decide to wipe said smirk off his face with her fist.

"I forgot now!" she yelled, throwing up her hands and stomping a foot. Ichigo raised a brow. "Nevermind!" She turned on her heel and walked out the door, slamming it shut behind her with enough force to shake the frame.

_Fine_. _Let her be that way_. It wasn't Ichigo's fault she was so touchy… _touchy_. He wanted to… _stop it_. Ichigo growled and turned back to his homework. _Stupid Rukia_.

After all that had happened in Soul Society and with the Arrancar threat, things had finally started to settle down. Maybe now Ichigo could have a normal life. Well, as normal as a guy like him could have. There would always be that part of him that was distinctly Shinigami, a part of him that actually did belong to Soul Society and Rukia. _Wait, what_?Did he just say he belonged toRukia? He didn't belong to her any more than she belonged to him, no matter how much… _okay, seriously, _stop_ that_.

He had hoped to actually finish his schoolwork this time, but that goal was becoming more and more elusive by the second. It was especially hard, on occasion, when Rukia was off in Soul Society. He would keep thinking about how she was doing, what she was doing there that was so important she couldn't be here, with him.

Of course, she would always come back, and that was what made Ichigo happy. He could always count on Rukia to show up after weeks, even months of absence, and act as though she had never been gone. She would always stay for a while, too, taking up her gigai and occupying herself fighting Hollows and keeping an eye on Ichigo and the district. Ichigo had specifically requested that Rukia guard this district, though he never told her that. She had simply thought that the council had assigned her there because she knew the area and the people, and Ichigo never had the courage to tell her otherwise. What would she think if he told her he actually _wanted_ her to stick around?

Ichigo couldn't suppress the shudder that went through him at the thought. No, he wouldn't tell her._ She would laugh at you or yell at you or, worst of all, leave you_. He couldn't risk that.

He heaved a sigh, putting away his homework. There was no way he was going to concentrate on it now, anyway.

A short scream tore through the air. It sounded like Rukia. Ichigo instantly jumped up in panic. He bolted out of his room and down the stairs, only to run into Karin at the bottom.

"Karin-chan! What happened!"

Karin rolled her eyes. "They're—"

_Splat_. Something very soft and squishy smashed into the side of his head. Ichigo stood in shock as the something rolled down his cheek and landed on the floor with a plop, leaving a palpable trail of stink.

"Oni-chan is it!"

"Ichiiiiiigoooooo!"

"See?" Karin deadpanned, rolling her eyes one last time before heading back up the stairs.

Ichigo looked down at the offending projectile. It appeared to be a… ball of socks and… was that _underwear_?

"Ichigo!" Rukia stumbled up to him, breathless, one hand on her stomach.

"What the _hell_?" Ichigo reached out a hand unconsciously, as if to catch her. She looked about ready for some sort of emotional eruption. "Are you alright?"

Rukia only doubled over and started laughing.

"Rukia?" he hazarded, part hesitant and part confused; his previous look of concern was replaced by the omnipresent scowl.

She laughed harder, struggling to contain herself and losing. She stretched out a hand and grabbed the sleeve of his shirt to steady herself, her body too racked with laughter to stand straight. _Was she hysterical_?

"You—you should—" _Giggle_. "—you should see—your—" _Giggle_. "—your face!" A new fit of laughter overtook her, and Ichigo finally looked up to see the scene before him. If she wasn't so damn short, he would have glanced up before and noticed that Yuzu and his father we rolling on the ground, shaking with mirth. They were laughing at him.

He scowled even deeper, picking up the sock-and-underwear pellet and palming it. It was about the size of his head and smelled really, really terrible, like feet. _His_ feet. Rukia straightened, wiping tears from her eyes and giggling half-heartedly.

"What the hell is _this_?" Ichigo growled.

"It's a—" _Giggle_. "—it's a—"

"STANKBALL!" Yuzu and Isshin shouted gleefully, apparently having recovered themselves.

"What!"

"It's made of dirty socks and underwear," Rukia informed him, still grinning widely.

"Come on, Ichi-nii! You're it!" Yuzu yelled merrily.

"Huh?"

"What, Ichigo! Can't you catch us!" Isshin bellowed.

"Shut up!" He had had it now. Ichigo was at the end of his rope. "What the hell is wrong with you people!"

Ichigo had only a second to register the evil smile that crossed Rukia's features before he received a face full of stankball. A malevolent cackle and then she was gone, off to find refuge from the oncoming assault.

_Oh, she is _so _going to _pay.

Ichigo peeled the stankball from his face and wielded it with one-handed skill. He stalked towards Rukia's position behind the couch, for all the world like Elmer Fudd after Bugs Bunny. _Make that Chappy the Bunny_. Ichigo nearly released a rare smile, but caught himself just in time and frowned in concentration instead. First and foremost, Rukia was going down.

Rukia raised a tentative head just high enough to peek an eye over the cushions. She gave an involuntary squeak at Ichigo's determined approach and scrambled from behind the couch and towards the kitchen.

Ichigo fired then, sending the stankball after her like a cannonball. She barely managed to dodge it, sliding across the kitchen floor and under the table. Ichigo rushed to recover his ammunition as Rukia dashed up the stairs.

Ichigo cursed, grabbing the stankball and bounding up after her. _She would have _no_ idea what was coming_.

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"Huh. You think they forgot about us?" Isshin queried, standing next to Yuzu and scratching his head in puzzlement. The living room was in shambles and eerily quiet after Ichigo and Rukia's boisterous departure.

"Yeah, I think so," Yuzu replied in a small voice.

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"You're not getting away!" Ichigo called, opening doors and sweeping the inside of each room for Rukia-shaped targets. "I know you're here!"

He reached his room and threw open the door. She had to be here. In the closet.

Ichigo crept towards his closet, stankball poised and ready to fire. He stealthily reached out a hand to grasp the doorknob and then quickly slid open the door.

Rukia shrieked, kicking out her legs and putting her arms up in defense. Her foot connected with Ichigo's knee, making him tumble over into the closet. He landed on top of Rukia with a grunt. She made a strangled sound, squirming around and trying to push him off of her.

"Ichigo!" She was giggling again, though she tried to hide it with a severe tone. "Ah, gerroff me!"

"Payback's a bitch, Rukia."

She squealed when he shoved the stankball under her nose.

"Ichigo!" She started squirming again, twisting her body and her head around to escape Ichigo's weight and his stankball, respectively.

Suddenly, the closet door slid shut. Ichigo and Rukia halted in their struggle, frozen in place in the abrupt darkness.

"Oops, I'm sorry," came Isshin's voice, his tone indicating he meant exactly the opposite.

Ichigo immediately became acutely aware of the position he and Rukia were in. He was practically straddling her, one hand holding her down and the other brandishing the stankball. They were breathing heavily, almost like… Ichigo was very glad his face wasn't visible in the dark.

The stankball slipped out of his fingers and rolled away from them slowly. They were both stock-still, too afraid to move. In an abnormally lucid moment for the brain of a teenage boy, Ichigo realized that this situation had the potential to turn very bad, very quick. But she looked so small and frail lying there underneath him, her eyes wide and shining even in the darkness. Even so, she was deceptively strong and able to put up a good fight, as Ichigo's previous experience could attest to.

And yet, she wasn't fighting him now. His mind boggled at the notion. And then he realized he wasn't fighting her either.

He _wanted_ her there. He _needed _her there.

He _wanted_ her. He _needed_ her.

He was a dead man.

She was impossible to live with, yet impossible to live without. He wanted, needed her in his life, even if it meant it could never be normal. Normal was overrated, anyway. He could no longer ignore how she made him feel, no matter how hard he tried. Not that anyone could ignore Rukia to begin with. He had lost the ability to ignore her the moment he met her. Since then, it had all just been a front.

He was afraid of losing her. Always had been.

And yet, she wasn't fighting him now. She wasn't leaving him. Never had.

She didn't try to stop him when he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. She didn't protest, didn't resist, and didn't fight.

It had all happened so fast, his recognition of his feelings, his compulsion to act on them; it was almost as if he wasn't thinking at all, but rather being shot with emotional epiphanies like they were bullets, in rapid-fire succession. He was feeling now what he had ignored before, twofold. It was almost too much. The feel of Rukia's lips against his, her muscles relaxing under his touch, and the soft sigh that ran through her body all swirled together, appearing in his mind for only a second before they were swept away again in a torrent of sensations.

Ichigo did the only thing he could spare the second to consider: draw her closer. He deepened the kiss, moving his now-empty hand to cradle her head while Rukia wrapped her arms around his waist. He had to stop this; he needed to breathe. He could hold his breath for a whole minute underwater, so why couldn't he breathe now, of all times? Why did he feel like he was drowning? _Oh, hell_.

He pulled his head back reluctantly, highly aware of Rukia's hot breath on his neck. She looked just as dazed as he was. Did he really just…? _Yes_.

She blinked once. Twice.

"Ichigo… what the hell was that?" Her voice was soft and a touch wistful, obviously affected by whatever had affected Ichigo.

"I—I don't know exactly."

"Oh." A pause that felt ten times longer than it actually was.

_Splat_. The stankball collided with Ichigo's face. Again. He tumbled over onto his side as Rukia's muffled laughter echoed in the closet.

"Payback's a bitch." Her voice was entirely too smug.

No, he could never ignore her.

"Rukia!" He recovered quickly and caught her shoulders, pulling her closer to him until their bodies were flush together. He stared down at her, a small, anomalous smile on his lips, while countless priceless expressions crossed her face. She finally settled on pleasantly surprised. Ichigo grasped her chin with his thumb and forefinger and captured her lips with his.

"I'll get you for that, Rukia."

_Later_.

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"Oh, I think it worked," Yuzu exclaimed when quiet settled in behind the closet door.

"Yes, I think it did," Isshin replied.

"How long do you think they'll be in there?" Karin asked, poking her head in the room.

Isshin shrugged, the proud smile only a father could possess plastered on his face.

Yuzu pouted. "I want my stankball back."

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_However far away_

_I will always love you_

_However long I stay_

_I will always love you_

_Whatever words I say_

_I will always love you_

_I will always love you_

_--"Lovesong," The Cure_

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Now if only everything didn't smell like Ichigo's feet.

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**Believe it or not, my little sister Kelsey invented stankball. The. Best. Game. Ever. Ph34r.**

**Apparently, it's also the game of luuuurve…**

**Um, anyway, Ichigo and Rukia, sitting in a closet, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!**

**Sorry if anyone came off OOC… this is my first shot at a Bleach fic EVER. Yikes. I hope you all enjoyed it, please review! Let me know your favorite line/part/whatever! I tried to mix some funny moments in with the fluff, but I'm not sure if I failed miserably or not. Penny for your thoughts… okay, not really, but you'll have my eternal gratitude.**

**BB :)**


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